Do valedictorians need a mentor?

Growing up in a single-parent household in the 70s, my twin and I had many mentors whether we called them that or not – teachers, coaches, pastors, mom’s boss, her friends and neighbors.

Reaching my early 30s, I finally thought I’d learned a bit about life. It was time to join a board and give back. A nonprofit in Denver focused on higher education for inner city youth approached me about a role. I requested first getting to know one of the students it served.  It took awhile to pair me which was confusing. It wasn’t until three months into our formal year-long relationship that the match made sense. We were so alike yet so different. A surprise happened at the 12-month mark. We kept seeing each other and doing fun things. We are still close 15 years later.

She is 22 years my junior and an immigrant from Vietnam. Smarts were second nature and motivation in her genes. She was the cutest darn thing. Every time we met I felt jazzed and ready to experience life with her and share lessons learned. I gave her room to become her own young beautiful person. She didn’t need tutoring, time management skills, or leadership traits. She had straight A’s while balancing school, soccer, family, cooking and laundry and life for her five younger siblings. What she needed was someone who consistently showed up and showed her life outside her own. Someone who was there no matter what. Someone she could trust and confide in. Someone who did what they said they would do – every week. Someone to dream with.

Fast forward 15 years. My mentee is a great friend and inspiration. She and I moved apart several times. I made it to her high school and college graduations and celebrated with her family. We then traveled six cities in 10-days through her home country Vietnam. Several years later during the week she visited Chicago to explore medical schools and study for the MCAT, I was diagnosed with early stage breast cancer. Her 10-day trip turned into six months. As roommates I realized life happened full circle. She was now there for me when I needed her.

Today I mentor DePaul students and 1871 entrepreneurs. When my alma mater formalized its student career planning with a remote alumni-mentoring program I jumped at the opportunity. I was given a senior who was graduating in four months. What did she need? Not much. She and I talked life, internships, classes, professors, career search, her mother’s breast cancer, and her sister preceding her on campus. We reminisced about life at Rollins. I learned how important family is to her. I quickly absorbed that her values mirrored the ones I’ve etched into my fabric and apply when hiring my team and managing clients. Teamwork. Curiosity. Connecting the dots. Honesty. Transparency. Accountability.

Our formal mentorship is coming to a close. A few weeks ago I learned she was voted Scholar Athlete of the Year. Most proudly she was named valedictorian of this private liberal arts college teaching responsible leadership. None of this is likely attributable to our mentorship. However perhaps her next life move will be influenced by it. Despite ‘success’ she valued having someone outside her day-to-day world to think about life decisions and to talk about daily minutia, and ironically, how they tie together. Even as valedictorian and an athlete, she values being mentored. Even top-of-the-class students benefit from a mentor.

Who is the best candidate for mentorship? We all are. Regardless of age and place in life, we need role models to inspire, objective people to hold us accountable and honest people to be transparent with us. There is more in this digital world than virtual relationships. Those who sit face-to-face, listen, question and show you different sides to the bigger picture are a precious gift for life.

Mentorship isn’t a relationship. It’s a way of life – a cycle of seeking mentors and of being one. Who has mentored you? When is it time to mentor?